For goodness sakes, don't just stand there. Come in, come in!

So good to see you. Have you lost weight? Well, you’re certainly looking great. Let me show you around. You can go where you like but goodness sakes don’t touch anything – Everything on this web page is liable to explode.

Would you like to see my writing? Over here is Commedia, my first novel. It’s about a bunch of slacker actors on a road trip through Britain during the collapse of the Roman Empire. It needs an extra lick of paint but it’s basically finished. There’s a draft of the first chapter lying around somewhere. Ah, here it is.

Are you thirsty? I’d love to give you a cup of tea but I can’t get it through the modem.

Anyway, for the last few years my day job has been writing cartoon scripts, mainly in collaboration with Lauren Beukes and Sarah Lotz. I’ve written many, many episodes of the sci-fi cartoon show Urbo for the SABC, and Florrie’s Dragons and Mouk for Playhouse Disney, as well as various sitcoms and sketch shows. Oh, and I’m one of the writers for the movie version of Electric Juju, based on a play by Rob Van Vuuren and currently in development.

I’m also the lead writer for the “Kontax” series of teen adventure stories, which was the pilot program for the Shuttleworth Foundation‘s mobile literature series. It was wildly successful, and the stories have been read over 40,000 times, and gathered over 10,000 comments from readers. You can read the stories on your phone or your browser, at yoza.mobi.

In that corner over here is my story Prestige Animals, which won the 2008 Novel Idea competition. It’s a Poacher Noir about people stealing exotic animals for drug dealers. I’m not sure I should be showing it to you, though, because it’s going to be the basis for my second novel. Oh well, no matter, just pull the tarpaulin back over it when you’re done. You can read the whole thing here, in three parts.

Those tiny stories? Those are the Genre Stories. I write a new story every weekday on Twitter. Look out, if you’re not careful they’ll scatter everywhere. If you don’t want to read them one by one, I’ve got collections of them here and here, and there’s some more over here.

A while back I started a joke website called “I’llScreamYourTweets.Com” where people would send me twitter messages and I’d scream them off Table Mountain. The website’s gone now, but the videos are still around. It was popular for a bit, and one man even used it to propose to his future wife, but once I started getting copycats I thought the job was done. Also I ran out of strepsils and my girlfriend hates loud noises.

Over here is a computer game I’m writing the script for. It’s a space game with a bit of a sense of humour, coming out for iPhone and iPad later this year. To give you a taste of it, here’s one of the alien species you encounter. Why, yes, I do like Douglas Adams.

I also co-wrote this Alternate Reality Game with Lauren Beukes, and came up with a few of the puzzles.

And I film book trailers for upcoming novels: Here’s one for Lauren Beukes’s Zoo City, and one for SL Grey’s The Mall, and one for Mike Nicol’s Black Heart.

And I make various other silly movies. Like this one.

In my spare time, when I have any, I sit down with friends to record a monthly podcast where we review the worst movies we can find.

There are other things going on in the cellar, but I’m really not allowed to talk about them right now.

So if you’ve got nothing better to do, why don’t you have a look at my blog, or follow me on Twitter?

If not, then thanks. Come again!